Dr. West

 

 

 

 

The Slut Factor

 

e-mail From a Wife

with comments by Dr. Weston

 

" After a while I could readily switch from the model of propriety to a model of impropriety."

 

Dr. Weston,

      I'm a 34 year-old female (a WASP) who has been married for nine years and have two kids. I have long auburn hair and I had breast enhancement after our second (and last!) child. 

My husband likes me to wear low-cut dresses to show off my breasts and he encourages me to regularly work out to keep my figure.  After two kids, this works for me too.

         But all my work to look good didn't stop him from having an affair with an Asian girl at work who we'll call "Connie." 

 After I found out about it (and finished screaming and kicking doors), I made it a point to check on her.

Connie has a reputation for being a slut.  (Oh, yes, I guess I should mention she's pretty, her black hair is half-way down her back, and she's slim to a fault.)

         It took me quite a while to get over what he did, but if you truly love someone, it makes it a hard to throw in the towel. 

Plus, neither of us wanted that.

I spent a lot of time trying to pry out of him why he did what he did. At one point I said to him in anger, "She's nothing but a slut."

He shot back, "So what, that makes her anything but dull." That really stopped me.

You need to know that since we were first married, I had tried to be faithful to the point of being above suspicion.

That's just the way I was brought up and I assumed that's what husbands wanted.

Now I find this was working against me? 

What the hell is that about?

" At one point as we argued ("hotly discussed") this I asked, 'What if I was a slut like her, fucking any guy that caught my fancy?' "

 

I expected him to say that's not how he wanted me, but he didn't. 

He thought about it and said, "It's complicated." He wanted me to appear totally proper in front of the right people like I always did, but to him being that way made me dull and predictable. 

Right away I thought of Connie who I found only seemed proper on the surface.

" Either she was just a dumb slut or very smart."

 

         These conversations involving Connie soon got sexual. 

He asked me if any of the guys at the gym ever came onto me and if I ever thought of fucking them. 

It was not easy; I had long suppressed such "carnal" thoughts. But since I was competing with a slut, I was honest and named a couple guys that I had thought about "that way."  

         When we were in bed (and after he got me horny) he had me have fantasy conversations with the men where I made it obvious that I would go to bed with them.

To hear me say these things really turned him on. After a while, saying these things with my husband listening was liberating for me.

He started getting very interested in the way I looked. Besides a "I want it" way of dressing, I had this "just got out of bed after being fucked" hairstyle that he liked.

And since it didn't involve expensive hair styling and trips to a salon, I liked it too.

         The fantasy conversations continued about different guys until my offering myself to a guy -- at least in fantasy conversations -- was easy.

At the same time, when were out with people like his boss, he wanted me to come across as reserved and very proper.

" When we were around some other men he would hint about my loving sex."

 

Once I figured all this out I got into subtly coming onto guys.

It was kind of fun breaking down my barriers and pushing my limits.

Once I got that ball rolling, it took on a life of its own. I don't have to tell you that guys got interested in me. 

         One of the guys ask me out for coffee and while we talked I mentioned about my husband's affair. 

When he suggested I get even. I boldly said. "I've been wanting to do that."

He wasn't my first choice in guys, but I was ready to try this for real, and I didn't want the opportunity to pass.

I can't say that the sex set off fireworks -- it didn't -- but for me it's the act that counted. I decided to do it and I did, and it wasn't that difficult.

 I didn't tell my husband for a while -- I was scared that all our fantasies had just been that -- but when I finally did, he just asked if I enjoyed it. An explosion of jealousy never happened.

That night in bed he wanted to know all the details.

After I gave him a short and somewhat embellished account. I was catching onto this, so I told him I loved the sex, I came, I couldn't get enough -- all bullshit, but it turned him on.

Then he wanted to make love. 

Soon, I started having "dates" that ended up in motels.

" It's pretty easy once you get rid of your hang-ups about it. After my background, it gives me a bit of a rush being a 'secret slut.' "

 

         The more my husband knows that guys want to get in my pants the more he wants to get in my pants -- especially right after another man has had me and I'm still wet and turned on. 

And unlike the women who go to that nearby "quickie motel," I don't have to be paranoid about my husband finding out.

         I remember my younger sister's husband threw her out when he found out she had an affair.

How different can guys be?


         As they say, "sex is complicated."

Although I'm not condoning what you are doing (see below) maybe it comes down to knowing your man.

At the same time you have to be true to yourself. If this is really the kind of woman you want to be then okay. 

But if this is not you and you are just doing it for your husband, then I predict you will run into major self-worth and marriage problems.

It may also affect your husband's profession. If word got around that his wife is sleeping around, it could reflect badly on his ability to "hold the family together," or as some men put it, "control his woman."

That could raise questions about his character during discussions about promotions or even his future with the company.

That being said, it should come as no surprise that the corporate world is full of, in your words, "secret sluts."

-RW



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