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Before You

Dump Your Spouse

 

By Dr. Cherry Lee


" While women typically think of marital excitement centering around romance, men often often see it as centering around sex." 

 

       Over the years, we've gotten e-mail recounting some sad experiences.

What keeps popping up are divorces that when truly analyzed result from boredom within the marriage, generally after one of the spouses finds someone they think is more exciting.  

This is a common theme when the husband meets a sexually uninhibited Asian woman.

This has generated quite a bit of hate mail from American wives and ex-wives.

      But I as this American woman points out, the problem may not be the "other" woman, as much as the first woman.

Although there are just as many husbands that refuse to make positive changes, since our e-mail primarily concerns women, we'll follow that thread.

      Because of inhibitions or pride, many American women simply refuse to entertain ideas suggested by their husbands, especially about sex -- ideas that would add needed spice and excitement to the marriage.

Then, after a divorce, when that same woman is thrust into today's real world, she soon finds that since she got married some major social-sexual changes have taken place.  

" After being lonely for some time, the ex-wife will typically decide to enter the dating scene again Then she finds that in order to keep pace with 'the competition' she often ends up doing the very things that her husband suggested in the first place -- and she refused to consider. " 

 

       Although her pride may have seemed very important at the time, she probably quickly found that pride is lonely company after she loses her husband -- that person she had grown to love and trust over the years, and very possibly the father of her children.

Granted, in many ways it's easier to try new things with a new person, and it's often difficult to risk suggesting new things to a spouse who might condemn or criticize.

" One of the reasons for this site is to enhance relationships -- especially sexual relationships. We've gotten e-mail from divorced spouses saying they wish they had found this site while they were still married. "

 

      One example of sexual variety is oral sex or fellatio, which many wives refuse to do.

But it is generally expected by today's sexually sophisticated single men.

Plus, you can bet that any woman that's trying to steal away a good husband has no hang-ups about this.  (Research shows that the vast majority of young women engage in oral sex today -- and even feel good about it.)

      Another an example is from the ex-wife who firmly refused to consider even fantasizing about being a hotwife.

However, it wasn't long after her divorce that she found that she was sleeping with most of her dates.

One woman said that given today's realities for a middle-age women this is the only way they can get repeat dates.

      Another ex-wife said that her husband had wanted her to let loose and dress slutty when they went to nightclubs.

He had told her he liked to see her get men's attention. When he kept pushing the idea, she suggested he see a therapist. 

After her divorce when she started going out to places with other women, she found that the women who regularly had dates were dressing "somewhat slutty."

You will also note that we've gotten letters from ex-husbands that found that their wives had completely changed after their divorce -- changed into the kind of women that they had fantasized about while they were married.


      Husbands are certainly not blameless here.

Given their sexual upbringing and their sexual history with their spouses, they may be reluctant  to suggest new things in bed -- only to discover that some Asian women (who are well aware of American sexual hang-ups) do it for them.           


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