Dr. West 


Black-on-White Experience - 




My (White) Wife Prefers Black Lovers

(With follow-up responses)

From e-mail 

Dr. Weston,


What scared me at first had became a turn-on.

         My wife," Carla," and I are both white. She's 32, a redhead, and sort of petite.

I didn't know a lot of stuff about Carla's background before we were married -- she didn't talk about it -- but, after a while, she started revealing things.

Along with some of the other white girls, while Carla was in high school she went out with black jocks, "just to see what it would be like." 

The problem was that right away her guy got possessive and would scare off any other guy that tried to date her. Carla isn't real assertive, so she just went along with it.

She said this guy always wanted sex. After a while she started having regular climaxes, which she hadn't experienced with a guy before.

But, it was more than that.  She said that after a while she would get up-tight and anxious if she didn't have climaxes. "It was like after a while I needed it more than he did."

      >>   Carla told me that one time there was this party and this guy she had been dating was interested in this other girl that was there, so, being kind of drunk, he introduced Carla to this other black friend, "Ted"

Carla said, since my boyfriend was off with this other girl, she was pissed and jealous and needed revenge. Than she came onto Ted and we ended up having sex."

Carla said, "Ted was a really sensitive and caring guy, and right away I liked him."

So, after that, while Carla's boyfriend was at [football] practice, which was most afternoons, Carla would secretly spend time with Jim.

That went on for several months, with Carla regularly having sex with both of them.

      >>   Carla said she knew it was only a matter of time before they got caught, so when her dad had a chance to transfer to another city, she really encouraged it; and so they moved.

At her new high school she met me (I'm white), and we dated until we graduated and got married.

One time in bed we started sharing fantasies, and Carla said she generally fantasized about making it with strong, virile, black guys.

I took that as kind of an insult, but that's when she told me about her black lovers and the fact that on most weekdays she got used to having prolonged sex with both guys. She said, "One guy wouldn't let me break it off, and the other guy I kind of liked; and they were pretty different."

After a while, we started talking about her fantasies during sex, and that made her come.

      >>   There were black guys living at the apartment complex where we were, so I started using one of their names during these fantasies and saw it really had an effect.

During the fantasies, she would "talk" to a guy, making it clear that she had to have it; he could have her any time he wanted, etc.

Before long,  instead of being put off by these fantasies, I was getting into them with her.

      >>   "Jerald," a black guy who lived in our condo complex was kind of her favorite man to fantasize about, so this one night in bed, right before I came, I said "I want you to let Jerald fuck you." We were both thinking about that when we came.

Afterwards, I regretted saying it -- it was a heat of passion thing -- but then when I would see the guy, I would picture him with my wife in bed. I knew it's something she wanted.

      >>   So this one time I joined Jerald in the complex spa. We were alone and I struck up a conversation and ask him if he ever went out with white women. In kind of a guarded way he said, "A few times."

I told him that before Carla and I were married she regularly went out with two black men.  The way I led up to it, he clearly was wondered where this was going.  His eventual response was, "How do you feel knowing that?"

There was this long pause as I fumbled for words, and finally I said, "I guess it turns us both on to talk about it." At that point I quickly changed the subject.

      >>   That night I told Carla about the conversation, but I sort of added (knowing it would turn her on) that I told him it would be okay with me if she saw Jerald.

I never seen her act more excited. "So it's okay with you?"

Things had gone too far, and to suddenly reverse things would be difficult, so I said, "Make sure he uses a condom, which made the whole idea pretty clear."

      >>   For the next week at work I kept thinking of them in bed together; and for the next week nothing happened.

Then Carla said, she got into this long conversation with Jerald that afternoon where she must have told him about the two guys in high school.  He said he was involved with someone, but then he told her about a black friend, and asked is she would like to meet him.

She agreed, so he whipped out his cell phone, punched in a number, and says to this guy, "There's someone I think you would like to meet." He described Carla, and then asked her,  "What about 30 minutes at [this nearby] restaurant?"

      >>   She met him and they talked for a couple hours, exchanged phone numbers, and they ended up making a tentative date for the following Wednesday night when I met with my bowling group.

Carla didn't say anything about it right then -- maybe she was afraid that I would change my mind about things, especially since I had never seen this guy.

Of course with a couple days to think about it, Carla was really primed when she met him, so after a couple drinks they headed for a motel and went at it for a couple of hours.

She got home about 15 minutes after me that night, and right away I asked where she had been.  She seemed elated and she blurted out, "In bed with a black guy."

Even though I was expecting it, knowing it really happened hit me hard.

She noticed. "You did say that would be okay?"


"No, another guy."

"A guy you just met?"

"Yes, but he's nice."

It was a couple days before we got around to telling me the whole story.

"I suppose he wants to see you again, and maybe you want to see him too."

"I came a whole bunch of times." Right away, she saw it was a mistake to say that. (With me getting her off twice in one night is a major accomplishment.). She then tried to make it up to me by rather obviously stroking my ego.

      >>   This changed my attitude toward Carla.  At first, I kind of rejected her.  I could tell that really hurt her, and so she offered never to see any guy outside of marriage.

I said, "I think that would be best."

      >>   That's the way things stood for a month or so. Although I could tell she was disappointed, and, frankly, our love life dropped to zero, she stuck to her pledge and refused the guy whenever he called.

Finally, I asked, "You prefer black guys, don't you?"

She shrugged, "I guess that's what I got used to in the beginning."

I pushed a cell phone over to her,  "Call the guy and tell him to meet you at a motel."

She was surprised and put the phone down.  

"I'm okay with it. But, if you see just this one guy, you'll fall in love with him, or something, and I don't want that."

She slowly picked up the phone.  "You're sure?"


Before long she was seeing two black guys, just like in high school.

      >>    One night we had this tell-all conversations, and she admitted that she had gotten used to their penis size in high school making it with normal white guys was difficult.

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