I Guess I'm Not Crazy

E-mail from a husband


For a long time I've had this fantasy of putting my wife with a man for sex and I thought that meant I had some sort of a psychological problem.

But I read on your site that this is not an uncommon male fantasy.

I started out fantasizing about her going to bed with a guy she reconnected with at a conference. (I think she wanted to, but didn't.)

I even suggested that she call him, but she was scared to.

I guess it excites me to know that my wife could be a bit of a slut and do that.

I know I should be jealous and maybe appalled thinking this way, but the idea of another man fucking my wife turns me on.

What are your thoughts?


This is not an unusual fantasy, especially after a number of years of marriage.

For reasons explained here, this is can turn into a major problem for a marriage.

However, with clandestine affairs involving wives, on the increase, some husbands want to bring the possibility -- or suspected probability -- out in the open and mutually agree on parameters.

Written accounts of swinging and wife swapping date back decades, if not centuries, especially among the upper class.

In recent years this has become more and more the wife's idea.

A few couples can carry this off over time, but a much larger percentage that try it run into marital problems. In other words, it represents a major risk to a marriage.

All of these issues are discussed in more detail on this site. -DW

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